Discipline

Anyone close to me can tell you I’ve never quite mastered the art of discipline.

My room always looks like a tornado went through it, I cram for tests,
I’ve only kept a regular workout plan for two weeks tops. Sometimes I
think my mother things it’s going to be the end of me. I will never
forget the day she found an old, withered banana in my car and almost
cried wondering where she’s gone wrong in raising me.

The only thing I’ve stuck with for a long time is dance classes- and
even those varied in accordance to styles, teachers and colleagues
throughout the years.

Maybe that’s why I feel like I’m never reaching my full potential-
like I’m never pushing myself to the limit I should. Maybe I like the
adrenaline rush that comes with being almost the way that I am.

In Hinduism, for those who breathe it- discipline is a practitioner’s
bread and butter. Look at Gandhiji and the way he lived his life.
(I'm talking about satyagraha, not his preoccupation with controlling his sexual urges) There’s something peaceful and sane about it. The most vivid description I can think of is
Malcolm X’s description of his brother’s home- his first view of the
Nation of Islam’s interpretation of Islam as a way of life, the start
of every morning with prayer, and the order of the household. This
discipline that he adopted made him a better, more focused man. He
grew to have more peace within himself and to produce ideas that
included more than his piece of the world.

I’m still lost when it comes to putting it into action. The actual
tasks that result in a disciplined life seem mundane to me, and I have
little patience with it. When I daydream of one day raising children
I’m proud of, I think about guiding them in fashioning their
character, teaching them to nurture active consciences, ask questions
and be analytical thinkers- safe keepers of unique moral codes that
will be their life-long compasses.

Maybe I’ll incorporate more discipline into my life, and if I’m able
to do so, I hope the inspiration strikes sometime soon. I could
really, really use it.